15 16 17
by witchdivasirenqueen
Summary: the way things changed. james/sirius changing to james/lily james/sirius unrequited. nongraphic slash. rated m for safety.
1. Mine

**Warm hands and bitten nails  
****Eyes closed in softly folding butterfly wings  
****Laughing  
****15  
****Immortal  
****Mine**

One day we walked down to the lake at midnight  
Just us  
He said he had a secret  
A secret too good to share with the others  
The moon was just a Cheshire cat smile  
A million dreams away  
The wind was cold  
And the grass was wet  
We sat on a flat rock  
Close  
Close  
Close  
Shoulder  
Shoulder  
Hip  
Hip  
A funhouse mirror image of each other  
His eyes shone in the darkness  
The grey brown green blue reflecting the moonlight  
And the water  
He was shivering  
Without a cloak  
I wrapped mine around us both  
Making a cocoon  
What would we metamorphose into?  
He smiled  
Thin lipped  
Nervous as he had never been  
Never before me  
I reached out  
Took his hand as we had done when we were children  
Telling ghost stories in the full moon light  
Before we learned about Moony  
Our Moony  
He smiled again  
Thankful  
He whispered  
'I'm scared, Pads'  
'Of what?' I whispered back  
Afraid now, too  
Afraid of anything that would change us  
Anything that would take him away  
Because Moony was my brother  
And Pete was my friend  
But James Prongs James  
He was my world  
He didn't know  
Or at least  
I had never told him  
What if he knew?  
What if…?  
'That you'll leave me'  
He sounded so small  
'I would never leave you, James'  
I sounded like stones falling  
Like ice shattering  
Sharp and fast and broken  
'Don't say that, not yet, not yet'  
He was huddling in closer to himself  
Clinging to my hand  
We could be like this  
We could be children  
Girls  
Idiots  
Together  
We were safe  
Together  
Apart we were the Marauders  
Dangerous  
Dashing  
Debonair  
'Padfoot… Pads… Sirius, look at me'  
I brought my eyes to his  
My dull pewter to his earth water sky shine  
His eyes  
Shining now with more than just moonlight  
He whispered  
Butterfly wings in China  
'I'm an idiot'  
I leaned in closer  
'No… no… Prongs… James, you're not an idiot  
What's wrong?'  
'Everything  
I'm about to mess everything up  
Everything  
And you'll leave'  
Saltwater was polishing my pewter eyes  
Shining  
Stinging  
Blurring the lines of his face  
'I love you'  
He said  
I sat very still  
Not wanting to break the dream  
The soap bubble fantasy  
He started to pull away  
Stand  
'I'm sorry  
I'm sorry  
I'm sorry'  
Sorry Sorry Sorry  
A mantra of unrest  
Of hurt  
He tried to pull his hand from mine  
My grip tightened  
Pulling back  
Sneakers slipping on stone  
Falling  
He landed awkwardly  
Long legs and elbows and an overall tangle of cloak  
He was cradled in my arms  
He had fallen  
And I had caught him  
Tear streaked  
Petrified  
Deer in the headlights  
But mine  
My James  
Safe  
His eyelashes made clumpy triangle shadows on his cheeks  
I leaned down  
Brushed my lips  
My bitten and bleeding lovers' palms  
Against his warm salt cheek  
His breath was on my ear  
A hot rustling whisper  
Burning love notes  
I kissed him again  
And again  
All across his cheeks  
Finding at last his lips  
As chewed and chapped as mine  
But perfect  
Perfect  
Perfect  
I kissed him  
He kissed me  
We kissed  
Sharing breath  
Spirit  
God  
He brushed his tongue along my bottom lip  
Parting them gently  
Our tongues and lips dancing  
Speaking  
Professing  
As we could not  
He was perfect  
The night was perfect  
My James


	2. His

**Wet heat and dry tears  
****Voice cracking like fallen leaves  
****Changing  
****16  
****Amaranthine  
****His**

Months stacking up like old photographs  
Kissing in corridors  
Alone  
With each other  
Hiding it all  
Keeping up our images  
Hogwarts most eligible jackasses  
His eyes still shone  
His lips were as warm as they were that  
Cheshire moon night  
He was still perfect  
But  
He was slipping away  
'I'm just keeping up appearances, Siri  
I love you'  
His lips found mine  
But it tasted like a lie  
Soon at night  
When he slipped across the room like a shadow  
Casting a charm around my bed so as to not wake the others  
We didn't talk  
Once all we did was talk some nights  
Once  
He just lay down beside was  
And closed his eyes  
Closed them off  
Curtains of the soul  
I would take his hand  
And hold him close  
And kiss the heat from his temples and the ashes from his cheeks  
And he would lie still  
A broken doll of my James  
James  
Just James  
After a while he would leave  
Just leave  
And I would lay in the indent his body left  
Trying to melt the broken glass of my heart  
To form it back into one whole  
His eyes grew  
Dead  
Fallen leaves  
His lips were unresponsive  
Cold  
But still I kissed them  
I loved a vampire  
A ghost  
A doll  
Not my James  
He wasn't  
Mine  
Anymore  
But I  
Was still  
His


	3. Hers

**Fever glass and melting pain  
****Back arched like flowers in a gale  
****Shifting  
****17  
****Prostitution  
****Hers**

One night  
My vampire  
My ghost  
Slipped into my bed as usual  
But he turned his eyes to mine  
For the first time in eons  
Eyes meet  
His burned like glass  
Shined like fever  
Ravenous  
He climbed  
Straddling my hips  
I could feel his skin like a fire  
He ran a boney finger along my jaw  
Replacing it with his smoldering lips  
Like he knew just what he was doing  
Like he knew just what it was doing to me  
He was sucking out my soul  
BreathGodSpirit  
His hands raced across my torso  
Reaching under my t-shirt  
Scalding their way across my cold skin  
Sucking on my neck  
Leaving marks  
Burns  
Brands  
And I could feel him  
Pressing against my hip  
And then I was shirtless and gasping as his teeth  
Bones of a smile  
Bared and bruising against my flesh  
Biting my collar bone  
My neck  
My earlobe  
My nipples  
My back arched to him like a flower to the light  
For perhaps his fire was the sun  
And not hell  
My fingers found their way to his hair  
Twisting and grasping  
Trying to hold onto this  
Him  
James  
He looked up at me with his glass fever hell heaven eyes  
Unseeing  
I pulled his face up to mine  
Kissing him  
With all the love  
And need  
And don't leave me don't leave me  
My love heart soul death  
I could manage  
He rolled us  
Me straddling him  
I was pressed against him  
Trying to mold my form to his  
Trying to be part of him  
Melt into him  
Then we would never be apart  
Then he wouldn't leave me  
His hands worked down my spine  
Reading the bumps like Braille  
I pressed my hands  
Icy frail birds  
Against his fiery chest  
Heaving wingbeats heartbeats forge hammer  
Running icicles along his ribs  
Tracing  
Melting  
A snowball's chance in Hell  
He moved my hands lower  
Groaning  
Turning his face away from mine  
When I reached up for another pain bright kiss  
He arched back  
Nudging against me  
Pressing closer and farther  
Closing his eyes  
Moving my hands  
He wanted this  
But not me  
So I gave in  
Wrapping icy hands around burning flesh  
Wishing that his hands were on me  
Instead of twisted in the sheets  
Hidden  
That his lips were on mine  
That our eyes could meet  
That he would tell me he loved me  
That this wasn't happening  
That I wasn't crying  
That he cared  
But he didn't  
He was millions of miles away  
Lost in the feeling and the fantasy  
As I became his whore  
Always his  
His  
And her name fell from his lips  
Her name  
Her James  
Hers


End file.
